Wednesday, February 15, 2012

My first dating blog... And I'm not even dating

Trying to write a blog about dating is kind of hard when you haven’t actually been on a date. So I took the next logical step to learn more about dating in the 21st Century. I turned to Al Gore’s brilliant invention, the Internet, now known as Google.

Google “dating advice” and you’ll net 13.8 million results. Apparently everyone and their mother, including mine, is an expert.  

When I was married, I was oblivious to the outside world. Aside from a few reminders from a few (very few) single friends, I had no idea people still dated. I knew people “facebooked” and “tweeted” but dating? The word wasn’t even in my vocabulary.

Fast forward 17 years and I’m now divorced. What the hell am I supposed to do with myself now? According to everyone and their mother, I’m supposed to be “dating.”

On a daily basis, the word “dating” can be heard in almost every conversation that involves yours truly.

Are you dating yet?

Why aren’t you dating?

Don’t you think it’s time to start dating?

For the love of God, will you please start dating?! (My mom can be pushy sometimes.)

I eventually ended up at one of my favorite websites, where I read a dating article by Sophie Keller. Keller’s article suggested a few questions for women to ask while on a date as a way of getting to know him better. Keller, in addition to being a life coach, is the author of the “How Happy Is” book series.

While I appreciate Keller’s contribution and attempt to help the rest of us single suckers, I don’t think she’s asking the right questions. In my world, these are softball questions that any man (or woman, at least this woman) could easily dodge with bullshit answers and easily just tell a woman what she wants to hear.

Why, yes, I LOVE scrapbooking!

I watch Sex and the City all the time!

I love cuddling after sex!

In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve yet to go on a single date. Not even coffee? Not even coffee. However, I’ve been hit on, dirty-danced, flirted with and introduced to several men over the last several months. And based on my conversations with these men, I’ve come to the conclusion that Keller’s questions need to be revised just a skosh.

Keller’s Question: What would you say is your biggest passion in life?
Revised Question: How many hours a week do you spend playing video games?

Keller’s Question: What would you say you are best at?
Revised Question: WHAT did you say you were best at!?!? <Grabs purse, runs out of Starbucks>

Keller’s Question: Which household chore do you enjoy doing the most?
Revised Question: Do you help your mom around the house? (Because he lives with his parents)

In her article, Keller adds: “The more that you know about each other, the closer you are both going to feel. And, without doubt, he is going to be thrilled that you made the effort to jump in to his world a little bit.”

I would love to meet a guy who doesn’t mind a woman digging into his psyche a little bit. It’s like an excavation where the goal is to find that diamond in the rough – aka Mr. Right – but ask these questions and you might just keep coming up with rocks.

I know what you’re thinking. “You haven’t even been on a date so how can you criticize the questions?”

Recently, a potential suitor suggested we get to know each other better and wanted to take me out on a date. Here’s a sample of our conversation…

Me: So what do you do for a living?

Him: You sure ask a lot of questions.

Me: So you’re unemployed...