Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Feeling blessed, grateful and thankful

I’m on an emotional roller coaster. I’ve cried tears of joy. I’ve cried tears of pain. And at times, well, I’ve just cried.

My attorney called today. The judge came back with a decision after a week of deliberating in regards to the custody of my youngest daughter. He ruled in my favor. The judge also ordered to dissolve the marriage, which means I’m officially divorced.

I wasn’t expecting the latter piece of news. I was expecting another court date, another court hearing in which my ex and I would face each other one last time. But there are no assets to split. Aside from the few pieces of furniture I kept, I lost everything, including two homes, in the bankruptcy.

The words “you are officially divorced” took me by surprise. It’s what I’ve been working towards for over a year, but I wasn’t expecting today to be the day.

I envisioned circling the date on a calendar, preparing myself for another court appearance and preparing myself for the day that I would sign some sort of divorce decree. I wasn’t prepared to hear that it had already been done, my presence not needed.

I’m not complaining. I’m just processing. I’m also accepting -- accepting that this chapter of my life is now closed.

As one dear friend put it, today was “bittersweet.” And she’s right. I fought for my daughter and for her best interests, and I won. Still, it’s sad.

I made time in the afternoon to talk with my girls, separately, about the news.

My oldest didn’t have much time, she was in a rush to get to school, but I quickly filled her in. Later that afternoon, and for the first time since Christmas, she sent me a text message that simply said “I love you.”

When it came to telling my youngest, I got nervous. I wasn’t sure how she would react, but I had mentally prepared myself for the worst.

“Your dad and I are no longer married… We are now divorced,” I explained.

She looked up, as if she were in deep thought, digging for the right words to say. 

“I’m OK with it.”

I was stunned. I was amazed. I was relieved!

She went on to tell me that she wants to join the Choir group at school and that I needed to fill out the permission slip. Someone get me a pen!

We then went on with the rest of our evening.

For dinner, I made shredded beef tacos.  My oldest daughter and her best friend (aka my “adopted son”) devoured them.  

We ended the night explaining to the little one that Journey came before Glee and not the other way around which led to a jam session on Rock Band.

They’re still upstairs, singing (if you can call it that) and jamming out to “Don’t Stop Believin’.” 

In the meantime, I’m downstairs, sitting in my big chair, feeling blessed... feeling grateful... and feeling thankful.


  1. I can relate to how you feel, except mine was finalized without me having to face my ex in court at all. It's a long story but it too was so sudden. It will takes time to sink in. In the meantime you are blessed with lovely wonderful children :)

  2. Oh sweetie, it IS bittersweet! I don't know what to say, except that I'm so happy things worked out for you in terms of your daughter's custody. And that your children seemed to be okay with everything, enjoying life, and simply happy :)

    Am sending a big hug to you, sista! Wish I could open up a bottle of wine and chill with you!

  3. Bittersweet is the perfect words, and congratulations on your victory as well. When we fight and win, there is no win that is sweeter...especially when we know we are doing what is in the best interest of our kids.

  4. I am just so THRILLED for you!! Your story gives me hope that sometimes justice prevails. And I love how your kids just went about their business after the big news -- life does go on.

    Here's to a glorious future.

  5. Thank you for giving us such a wonderful update. I know you've had a lot of people pulling for you (especially after that horrible parenting class!) and, like Pauline said, it's nice to see the court get something right.

    Ahem...this may be too soon, but do you have those flirting skills up to speed yet? You're OFFICIALLY divorced! :-)

  6. Wow...this happened to me once before on your blog. The code word I had to type in to post my last comment was "matrimme." Hmm. Don't know if it's a real word or not, but it seems appropriate!

  7. Good for you. It's always a good thing when you don't have to back in front of The Man to face the ex. Go get your groove back!

  8. Congratulations Momma! I'm sooooo thrilled that it was a little less difficult of a process than you expected.

    Enjoy this! Take in each moment! LOVE those girls! You are blessed indeed.

  9. Jennifer: Um, what flirting skills? They are non-existent. By the time I realize someone is flirting with me, it's the next day. And yeah, that code word... Wow!

    JR: Stella will get her groove back! Eventually...

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this little ol' blog throughout this whole journey. With one kid engaged (and possibly moving out), the other shuffling between her parents and me being single (OMG I'm single!), I'm sure there are new adventures around the corner. (God help me!)

    Sending big hugs to all of you! XOXOXO

  10. I have been there and totally get the bittersweet feeling you're talking about. Here's to new beginnings!

  11. Wow! Congratulations on beginning a new life chapter!

    Recently there's a term that I've come to embrace after much wrestling with it and standing beside my macho ego as we fought and fought. That term is SURRENDER.

    I've accepted and embraced it and realized that by choice it was mine, and it was liberating. I read where it takes courage to surrender, more courage than it does to keep fighting. I understand that now.

    I feel that by accepting this and moving forward, you've surrendered. I'm happy for you!

  12. To new beginnings! Thanks, Lisa :)

    Anonymous, I've never had a clearer understanding of the word "surrender" as I do now. There were moments of absolute clarity towards the end that eventually led to accepting that my marriage was over and the surrendering to a new life for me and my girls.

  13. I am way behind in my blog reading and just read this. You're probably over the shock by now. I hope it's sunk in and you've felt the relief of no longer having that burden.

    Wishing you well,


  14. Hi Mandy, as you can see, I'm way behind as well. Yes, I'm over the shock and the weight of the burden is gone. It's now time to continue healing and just live. :)