Saturday, June 9, 2012

So my ex-husband cheated on me. Now what? We’re already divorced.


When I left my marriage two years ago, I was not short on reasons to do so. The mistreatment of me and my kids, the lies that led to our financial ruin and the lies, lies and more lies.

Now it appears I can add one more to the list: Infidelity.

I recently found out that my ex-husband cheated on me during our 17-year marriage.

Whoa, wait, wait, wait… Let me back up a little bit… He cheated during our engagement. And then he cheated after we married.

It was common knowledge at his workplace. People in his office were practically taking bets that he’d never really make it to the altar.

Speaking of people in his office… You know where I’m going with this and you know who “the other women” were.  

What a cliché this has turned into.  

I won’t go into details on how I found out, but the lead was legit and it led me to the truth.

So my ex-husband cheated on me. Now what? We’re already divorced.

Do I confront him? Do I go take a Louisville slugger to his car and go all Carrie Underwood? (Sounds very therapeutic so I may roll with this one...)

Do I hunt down the women (yes, plural) and confront them? (And say what? “How dare you mess with an engaged/married man who was once mine but he turned out to be an asshole so I divorced him!”)

I can’t really explain how I feel. There’s some numbness but then there’s this faint yet annoying pain. Yet I feel this considerable hole. An emptiness perhaps? Or my gut telling me, “I told you so, stupid.”

I wish I had the words to really describe this. I think it would help me to better comprehend what I’m feeling because I don’t understand it myself.

I saw him today for the first time since knowing this. At first glance, I felt as if I had vomited in my mouth just a little bit.

When I realized my face was hurting from scowling so hard, I decided to take a different approach.

I straightened up my posture and pushed my perky boobs and tight ass to the heavens (I’ve been working out), took my daughter by the hand and said, “C’mon sweetie… Let’s go home.”

Related link:

*Note to readers: I originally wrote this in my journal a couple of months ago. I was uneasy and unsure about sharing this. But ya’ll know about my spring fling with the Spaniard so what the hell, right? 

41 comments:

  1. Wow. Unfortunately, there's no neat "category" into which to slot your feelings. But the hurt and betrayal are no less real, with or without a place to put them and neatly label them.

    I found things out years after divorce as well that cut me to the bone. There was nowhere to go with the feelings, the facts, the numbness.

    There is relief in knowing that what nagged at you for years was not unfounded. But I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

    Feel the outrage. You have every right to it. And then stand tall and keep going. You earned that. Besides, what else is there?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK WITH YOU NOW!!!
      I have something to share with you!!! There is a great joy in my heart which I want to share with everyone. My name is Gunn Jenssen Faith . I had a misunderstanding with my lover several months ago; which led us to break up and he never wanted to hear my voice again. But as time went on, a good friend of mine recommended DR.PEPOKO who could help me with Love Spell to get my man back. At first, I thought the idea of a love spell was strange,but was willing to give it a try because i really love my boyfriend. For the first time I was scared to contact the DR.PEPOKO because I was not sure if what they did was against my religion. But my friend assured me that they only use Spell which is safe and has no side effects. I felt a little better and decided to contact DR.PEPOKO on his mail (pepokolovespell@gmail.com)I contacted him through his email and explained everything to him. He said that I shouldn't worry, that my lover will come back to me on his knees begging for forgiveness. I bought an item that he told me to buy for the preparation of the spell and assured me that my lover will come to me within 48 hours in remorse. My greatest joy now is that he actually came back to me and fell on his knees begging for forgiveness. We got back together and our relationship has been better this second time around. I have to give DR.PEPOKO all the credit for helping us get back to a better place than where we began. The new found love that my boyfriend has for me is incredible and i can't wait to see what the future holds for us. Do you have any problem with your loved one? Well worry no more because DR.PEPOKO can provide you with a spell to get him or her back. With the help of a spell just as he helped me. Contact DR.PEPOKO via email: pepokolovespell@gmail.com or visit her website: www.pepokolovespelltemple.blogspot.com

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      Delete
  2. When my ex and I split up, a friend told me he had cheated on my during our engagement. He had cheated on me with someone he worked with which was ironic because he had assured me he would NEVER cheat on me with a co-worker because he needed to concentrate on his job. My friend also told me the affair was common knowledge and that it was presumed I knew about it and was okay with it. I never had the urge to confront him. I felt embarrassed that people knew and I didn't. I felt embarrsssed that they thought I was okay with it. But I just took it as further evidence that there were so many things about him I didn't know.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmm,I'm sensing a theme here. The engagement fling...what makes me so mad about it is that by keeping it a secret, it takes away the other person's choice to get married or not. If I/we had known, would we have made different choices? Maybe. And, if someone can't stay faithful during the ENGAGEMENT, how can a person expect to stay faithful after the legality of the sameness descends?

    I agree with BLW that there's nothing you can do now except acknowledge that it happened, be angry for a while, and know in your heart that you deserved better and will get better from your new life.

    What a load of info to get so long past the divorce, though!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Things I left out because I was either too hurt or just plain forgot:
    - After a few days of knowing the truth, it hit me that some of these women were at our frickin wedding! "Son of a bitch!" is what I remember yelling out loud.
    - The day I saw him, he asked if I was wearing a new shirt and that it looked good on me. I replied, "Go fuck yourself."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Replies
    1. Thanks Luis... You're right: It's not worth it. While writing about this is therapeutic, exhausting anymore energy (ie. slashing his tires, cussing him out in public in English and Spanish, etc.) is just not worth my time.

      Hold up, my phone is ringing. It's the Spaniard... Gotta go! :)

      Delete
  6. Love it. Been there. Let it go. God Bless You. DB

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, DB! You're right: "Let it go." Working on it... :)

      Delete
  7. Oh wow. Ick. Really...ick.

    I think all of us discover things after divorce -- but this is a particular kind of gut punch that simply reinforces the fact that a divorce is nothing like a death. Because with death, there is a dead body and whatnot.

    If only...

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ick is right. And I so understand what you mean. I mourned the death of my marriage while still in the marriage, but ya, he's still around... *sigh*

      Delete
  8. I often wondered if I would find out that same info after I divorced my ex ..... It's been 6 years now and I haven't heard anything. But I still think it might have happened.

    Btw I just found your blog and love how you share the happenings! Looking forward to hearing if there are going to more "dates" with the spainard! :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't think it would matter how long you'd been divorced - finding out he cheated on you would always hurt and would always take time to digest and understand.

    Hope you're doing OK ...

    Mandy

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ewwww. Also, good riddance to that guy. He obviously didn't deserve your affection. I hope one day instead of "go fuck yourself," your inclination is to shrug in an "I really don't give a fig what you think—you are a stranger" sort of way.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yep, I've been there. I did divorce him for infidelity or reasonable suspicion of infidelity along with many other reasons. I was just amazed by the volumes of stories that came out. I think what most upset me (other than my husband was a liar - duh) was that I was the last to know. It was MY life and yet, I didn't even get to be an active participant in deciding what was best for me. Everyone else decided that it was best not to tell me.
    I will tell you that we were separated when I found out HER NAME. And yes, I confronted her. I was separated but living in denial that it was over. I naively wanted him back and she was an obstacle. Although I still absolutely hate her, I thank God for her. She was an eye-opener to say the least.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it amazing what you find out AFTER you leave?!?! The things people know but don't tell you for whatever reason. I don't regret leaving one bit. The only regret I have is not leaving sooner. Had I had more information, perhaps I could have. But no one told me and I was so consumed with the daily battles of just getting through another day with him that I couldn't see straight if I tried. Thanks so much for sharing your story and for stopping by. {{{Hugs}}}

      Delete
  12. Oh wait, I thought of a funny story. So my ex cheated with a woman that was also cheating. The denied the affair for the longest time. (Like I said, I got the confirmation during our separation) Anyway, about a year after our divorce (and hers), the happy-cheater-couple broke up. My ex suspected that she was going back to her husband, so he called him and confessed to the affair. He even told him, "this whole time I've been saying that my ex-wife was crazy, but really she just hates her because she knew the truth." Her ex didn't say anything because like your post, what could he say? Um, thanks. We're divorced.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow... I am so grateful to have found your blog!! I too am recently divorced and just found out yesterday that our entire marriage was a sham! I had my suspcicions of cheating... but never proof. I ultimately divorced him because he was an abusive alcoholic... adding philandering infidel to the list just sucks.

    I keep telling myself that the best revenge is life well lived... but it all still hurts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chickenhawk: Like you, I left my marriage for a long list of reasons but told myself, "Well, at least he didn't cheat on me." So much overshadowed my suspicions like the verbal abuse, the financial infidelity and so much more. I know it hurts like hell right now, but trust me when I say that it gets better. It really does. If the best revenge is living well, then I'm living proof. I've never been more blessed, more happy... Hugs to you, hon!

      I'm glad you found my blog, too. :)

      Delete
    2. Yup, I said the SAME thing!! "At least he didn't cheat on me!" DOH. Now I'm stuck sitting here wondering what the hell I was thinking for staying with him for so long!!!

      My new life is actually coming along really nicely! I'm 9 months into my new job, new house for the kids and me... I'm on a cycling team (something I always wanted but XH never supported). Life is GOOD!! I'm healthier both mentally and physically... I am proud of who I have become and the strength I have developed!!

      In the end... I got a lot of positive things out of the experience... personal growth for me, and two amazing, smart, and beautiful babies!!

      Delete
  14. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I can understand your pain even though it feels after the fact. My husband just confessed his most recent affair to me and then I found a PowerPoint that outlined why the whole thing was my fault and it included a description of why he had an affair back in 2002. I had no idea that this happened back then and it knocked me for a loop. Almost as painful as finding out about his latest affair. http://dowehavetotellthekids.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-beauty-of-powerpoint.html

    ReplyDelete
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  17. After 9 years in marriage with my hubby with 3 kids, my husband started going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatened to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called DR. Okojie who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contacted him, he helped me cast a love spell on my husband and within 24hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with ladies and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem and all kinds of problem you find difficult to resolve and he will put a lasting solution to it. You can also contact him if you are unable to bear children. Here is his email drokojiespellhome6@gmail.co

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  18. After 9 years in marriage with my hubby with 3 kids, my husband started going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatened to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called DR. Okojie who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contacted him, he helped me cast a love spell on my husband and within 24hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with ladies and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem and all kinds of problem you find difficult to resolve and he will put a lasting solution to it. You can also contact him if you are unable to bear children. Here is his email drokojiespellhome6@gmail.com

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    1. Getting back together with your ex is a very tough challenge and I failed it many times after my fiance broke-up with me. but after i read about drclimentscott@gmail.com I decided to get in contact with him and when he replied my mail, i discover it was so easy for me to get my fiance back within 24 hours. That's how i got my fiance back at drclimentscott@gmail.com or call +2347036879479 +2347036879479 ...



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    ReplyDelete
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    1. Getting back together with your ex is a very tough challenge and I failed it many times after my fiance broke-up with me. but after i read about drclimentscott@gmail.com I decided to get in contact with him and when he replied my mail, i discover it was so easy for me to get my fiance back within 24 hours. That's how i got my fiance back at drclimentscott@gmail.com or call +2347036879479 +2347036879479 ...



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  22. it was heart breaking when i found out

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    ReplyDelete
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  24. Hello, I am Emaline Adrian After being in a relationship with my husband for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I emailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly on the second day, it was around 4 pm. My ex-called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made a promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: dr.zulugreattemple@gmail.com
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Getting back together with your ex is a very tough challenge and I failed it many times after my fiance broke-up with me. but after i read about drclimentscott@gmail.com I decided to get in contact with him and when he replied my mail, i discover it was so easy for me to get my fiance back within 24 hours. That's how i got my fiance back at drclimentscott@gmail.com or call +2347036879479 +2347036879479.


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      Delete
  25. Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Mohammed can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Mohammed. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Mohammed real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348134493948

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Mohammed can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Mohammed. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Mohammed real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348134493948

    ReplyDelete
  27. HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK WITH YOU NOW!!!
    I have something to share with you!!! There is a great joy in my heart which I want to share with everyone. My name is Gunn Jenssen Faith . I had a misunderstanding with my lover several months ago; which led us to break up and he never wanted to hear my voice again. But as time went on, a good friend of mine recommended DR.PEPOKO who could help me with Love Spell to get my man back. At first, I thought the idea of a love spell was strange,but was willing to give it a try because i really love my boyfriend. For the first time I was scared to contact the DR.PEPOKO because I was not sure if what they did was against my religion. But my friend assured me that they only use Spell which is safe and has no side effects. I felt a little better and decided to contact DR.PEPOKO on his mail (pepokolovespell@gmail.com)I contacted him through his email and explained everything to him. He said that I shouldn't worry, that my lover will come back to me on his knees begging for forgiveness. I bought an item that he told me to buy for the preparation of the spell and assured me that my lover will come to me within 48 hours in remorse. My greatest joy now is that he actually came back to me and fell on his knees begging for forgiveness. We got back together and our relationship has been better this second time around. I have to give DR.PEPOKO all the credit for helping us get back to a better place than where we began. The new found love that my boyfriend has for me is incredible and i can't wait to see what the future holds for us. Do you have any problem with your loved one? Well worry no more because DR.PEPOKO can provide you with a spell to get him or her back. With the help of a spell just as he helped me. Contact DR.PEPOKO via email: pepokolovespell@gmail.com or visit her website: www.pepokolovespelltemple.blogspot.com

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    ReplyDelete
  28. Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Mohammed can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Mohammed. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Mohammed real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348134493948

    ReplyDelete
  29. I Want to tell the world about a great man called Dr.Agbazara of AGBAZARA TEMPLE for bringing joy into my marriage after 2years of divorce from my husband and my 4kids, i have don everything to bring them back to my life because i love them so much so a friend introduced me to a spell caster last month who did every thing spiritually and bring them back within 48hours, now we are together and happy even more than we where before. You can contact this great spell caster to solve your own relationship problems via email like i did on: ( agbazara@gmail.com )

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  30. Getting back together with your ex is a very tough challenge and I failed it many times after my fiance broke-up with me. but after i read about drclimentscott@gmail.com I decided to get in contact with him and when he replied my mail, i discover it was so easy for me to get my fiance back within 24 hours. That's how i got my fiance back at drclimentscott@gmail.com or call +2347036879479 +2347036879479.


    Getting back together with your ex is a very tough challenge and I failed it many times after my fiance broke-up with me. but after i read about drclimentscott@gmail.com I decided to get in contact with him and when he replied my mail, i discover it was so easy for me to get my fiance back within 24 hours. That's how i got my fiance back at drclimentscott@gmail.com or call +2347036879479 +2347036879479.

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  31. I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My husband divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and he packed all him loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for him full name and him picture...i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that he’s with a woman and that woman is the reason why he left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and i got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many of my friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here: drosemudiamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TODAY VIA EMAIL:drosemudiamenspellhome@gmail.com

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